Question:

Hello Dr. Dan,

I’m writing in because, for a while now, I’ve never been able to take criticism, which I know is stemmed from my low self-esteem. No matter what I am criticized on, for example, maybe my fashion sense or even school work, I automatically feel as though it is a personal attack.

For example, in class a couple of weeks ago, our teacher had asked us to point out what statements were wrong in the video being shown to us. I answered, and another student proved my answer false. Afterwords, I felt as though it was a personal attack, as though they were literally saying, “You’re stupid, that isn’t the right answer.” Even though they didn’t.

Is there anything I can do to improve my situation?
Thanks in advance.

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Dr. Dan’s Answer:

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Hi feeling stupid,

I am very familiar with this because I have went through this myself in the past. You are not alone with this. I even have billionaire clients and movie stars that go through this themselves. Whether they need to build self confidence or develop self confidence.

Here is what you must do, you must change what it means to you. What I mean is this, imagine there is a man and he opens a door for a woman as h enters a store. Now most women will take this as a nice gesture. But there are some women and even men that will think to themselves, “what do they think I am, helpless!” Or “How dare they open that door for me! I am capable on my own!” It is all in the meaning they give it. It is the same event no matter how you spin it. Nothing changes, it is just a door being opened. That is it. So it wouldnt really help to try to develop self confidence or build self confidence in this event.

So what I am saying is this, Stop giving it a meaning of they are ganging up on me. Or that they are telling you that you are stupid or dumb. These are meaning you give it and you have the control to change it. it doesnt happen overnight. but it will take time and lots of practice.

Also remember that if we dont make mistakes then we will never learn something new. That means the more mistakes you make, the more you learn and the smarter you become! Big difference huh? I make lots of mistakes which is great because that means I have learned alot. You dont want to be right all the time, bored, and alone. So dont worry about trying to build self confidence or develop self confidence and just be a excited to learn something new every day!

Practice these things and let me know how it goes for you.

Your Friend,

Dr. Dan

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